Did You Realize That Life is Really Unpredictable?
I don’t even know how to describe it. But I think I wrote this one specifically for my aunt (I usually called her “Tan”).
She suddenly got sick and seemed to be gone in seconds, it turns out that this is already the second week. There is a strange feeling that I have never felt before, and I don’t even know what this feeling is. Sad? Empty?
She’s not just an aunt to me, she’s like a second mother. She accompanied me even from kindergarten. She’s the first person I meet at home every time I come home from school. She’s the one who listens to my complaints every day while cooking lunch. She always has 1001 solutions for all problems, whether school or life. She really is 24/7 for me and my siblings.
When I first found her in a semi-conscious state on the floor, my heart really hurt. I never once imagined that I would see the person closest to me in a helpless state, completely unable to move because her whole body seemed to be out of control. She repeatedly pointed her head as if to say “this hurts”, then moved to her stomach, but no one understood what she meant because even speaking was difficult for her.
Everything is going too fast. Within two days, we were given information that my aunt had a stroke, which turned out to be bleeding in the brain and swelling of the heart, until finally at 1 am we were told that our aunt had left. Absolutely have no idea, Tan. Even to this day.
I’m scared, Tan. Losing you really showed me that I can lose anyone at a time that I really can’t predict. Which no one can predict. My days are so restless. Coming home on a Friday night is no longer a fun time.
From the beginning, I never really knew the loss my friends felt. Forever lost. I can only try to be there for them, hoping that my presence can lessen their sense of loss. And when I finally felt myself, it turned out that anyone’s presence didn’t reduce even 1% of my loss.
That void will always be there, I don’t know how to fill it again.
Because the most painful part of losing forever is when you are only able to reminisce, without having the opportunity to create new memories.
