Twenty-five years old, and what I think about a child.
Living life at the age of 25 feels… crowded, I guess?
I learned, understood, felt, and let go of many things. One of them is my understanding of a child.
I like children, I do. I can watch videos of children on social media for up to 30 minutes to see how cute they talk, pick up and put things down, listen to how other people speak and imitate them, and laugh out loud. And at this age, hanging out with friends who bring their cute children is nothing new to me. Some of my friends have been blessed with children, sweet girls who are cheerful and full of curiosity. My entertainment increases every time I see them through videos shared by their parents or when I meet them in person.
But if someone asked, “How many children do you want to have after getting married?” I’m still looking for the answer. Apart from considering my and my husband’s economic situation in the future, there are many considerations when it comes to a child.
I was born the second child of four siblings. My parents cared for us, giving us love and affection as reasonably as possible. But I’m not them. In the future, my husband and I may not necessarily be what our parents used to be.
In my opinion, being a parent, especially a mother, is a lifelong job. It’s not just about being pregnant for nine months, giving birth, and breastfeeding, but also about our ability to consistently provide our whole life to raise and make them into humans who are no less good than what we try to be.
Not being married among friends who have even been blessed with little angels, plus working and studying in a field closely related to the issue of mothers and children, opens my perspective on this side wider. I don’t know if I will be able to hold back my tears when I feel pain during nine months of pregnancy. Will I be able to lose sleep to always be on standby if at any time my child cries because she feels uncomfortable, scared, needs milk, and so on? I don’t know if I am ready to be a punching bag in every phase of her tantrums. Can I be prepared to listen to her various complaints about life, show her compliments about what she experiences, and make her think, “I have parents who can always make me feel comfortable”?
My understanding and thoughts will continue to change over time and in various circumstances. After finding someone who can convince me that all of this will not be done alone but together, I hope this fear will gradually disappear.
Whoever you are, whatever you are experiencing and trying to get through right now, I hope you have a nice day.
